So I probably did very, very crappily this semester -- but hey, what the heck. What's done is done and there's no going back. I have a lot of regrets, because I knew I could've done something to make my grades (life in general) better yet I still did nil. Still, I'd like to think I'm past the point of crying over whatever I lost or could've had because there's no turning back time. Whatever the result is, I probably deserved it.

So if in some case I fall, well, at least I know its my fault this time around.

Well once you fall there's no way but to go up again, right?


It's just kind of sad that I ruined the streak I had going. This semester really made me lose my momentum. I feel so lost now.

But you know what, I think there's a cure to that. And that is --

some good rest and

HONG KONG!

---

Excuse my priorities.

I don't deserve this trip to Hong Kong, I know, but I feel like I'm going to be a wreck without it. This semester has been so bad (my worst, or second worse, depends on the way you look at it) that if there was no silver lining at the end of it I'd probably just start moping. And being weepy, more so than usual.

And so I thank my parents and love them for giving me this opportunity to go to a foreign country with my friends. Its not a common experience and I'll be sure to treasure it!

---

Plus with this I'll feel guilty if I don't do anything about my internal crazy problems the moment I come back.

So --

with that

I promise I'll do better next semester!


And that's a promise to myself. I have to work!

---

Moping aside,

ITS SEMESTRAL BREAAAAAAAAAAK


Oh yeah this means I get to clean my room, right? Yay! (Don't look at me like that, its my favorite household activity.)

---

VOCALOIIIIIID

This post is so random, I swear. Well I'll make the Vocaloid post some other time because I'll probably still be addicted by tomorrow. But guh Len makes me kgjdlsf. I think his songs are my favorite for now.

---

Ru ri ra ra

This really is the worst semester of my life.


dklfjsjfk I hate this. I want to be happy enough to greet wuzu in this post without ranting about school life, but fkdsj I feel like I'm being devoured whole by the negative feelings brought upon by today. I can spend all day ranting and raving and cursing to make it go away but it'll probably just creep up behind me and weigh me down 'til I crawl and die.

I can probably put the blame on all sorts of things but in the end I have my faults too and really if it weren't for those faults things might've been better. dlskfjlkf All I want now is to have a good cry and just wallow in my depression and sleep. But I can't even do that because I've got another thing due at 10PM, no extensions.

I seriously just want things to end.

Why must life be so f-ed up at all the wrong moments?

aaaaaaaa

(I'd make the a's longer but it'll look like spam. No, no, this doesn't quite cut what I'm feeling though. Ffffff)

---

On the bright side, happy birthday, wuzu! ♥ I hope your day was well and fine. I'm sorry I wasn't able to stay with you for a long time. I'll make it up to you, okay? Ilu~ stay safe and dry with Takuya-Infinity (are you seriously not changing his name?)!

---

I want to bounce back and not leave a bitter aftertaste so I will say

I NEED FANDOM SDKLFJH

I want to post about sooo many things -- but I just don't know where to begin.

Or where to even end, if you know, I do decide to begin.



Gah, this is what happens when you take a break and come home to enrollment chaos. Well, not really. But I bet that's part of the reason.

---

It's a strange feeling;

to feel so lost even though there's a path laid out for you;

to feel like you hit the brick wall you (thought you) just demolished.



I think my head is playing tricks with me again.


Maybe I should go hermit for a few days. Stay at home, clean my room, fix my internet life, play video games -- you know, slack off from everything in general, do relaxing things -- sort of -- like I used to when I was in high school. I think... it'll do me some good.

It feels like it'll be a breath of fresh air.

Somehow.

---

Maybe its not even me.

I'm so... worried.

---

On the brighter side, I had a dream and it went like this:

I was in St. Paul, in my highschool uniform, and guess what. I had Influenza A(H1N1)! So it was really retarded, everyone else was running around me as if the fire drill alarm had been sounded, and I had to rush to the clinic in the midst of the rampaging students and teachers shouting "H1N1 OUTBREAK!" (And how could it be an outbreak if it was just me?)

Anyway, there were even strange ugly marks around my body -- like the ones when you have the pox. So Sacla said,

"Are you sure that's H1N1 and not Chicken Pox?"

And I replied, "Hey, you're right! I've never gotten Chicken Pox before."

And Sacla* smiled, and I smiled, and Kyoy* thought we were retarded.

And I woke up.

*Literally, sacla and kyoy, as themselves in my dream


Well, its not so much the bright side, I guess, but its kind of funny, eh?

I'm not going to last a week with this going on, admittedly.

Every night is almost just like every other night ever since (first in a gap of months, then every few weeks, then every other day; but not everyday, I like to think I'm a little stronger than that). My head is fine but everything else is not; its kind of frustrating. My eyes are suffering the most expense. I need my glasses again to concentrate in class, but unfortunately they're a tad bit lost and I don't know if I should spend the rest of my early morning looking for them.


It just makes me sad that in the entirety of it all---

--nevermind.

What do I say now?

---

Anyway, I'm sure my flist is tired of hearing me emo ;____; sorry guys, but ILU all just so you know, and thank you very much. It means a lot, even just the small comment of "hug!" and things like that. :3 Thank you! I'll do my best not to make these kinds of posts, er, in the very near future.

Just, thank you.

:3

---

Uho!

I know I've asked so much from you guys, but if you all wouldn't mind, I need srs cosplay help. I'm going to cosplay Shirley Fenette from Code Geass with a group (composing of the usual people I <3).

( the shades of brown and orange make my head ache )

If you have other wig suggestions than the ones I found I'd love to see them, too.

Uhuhu I'm really sorry for taking up your time, but thank you, everyone!

---

Due to the lack of a Shirley wig I had to cosplay Milly Ashford instead during our org's con last November 8, 2008: AME 8TH AVENUE: Taking the Streets of Harajuku. I must mention that this "Plan B" could not have been accomplished without avishi's assistance, as it was she who lent me the wig. THANK YOU SO MUCH, dear~

( she wasn't naturally blonde )


In any case, I'll post more pictures soon! (I always seem to say that D: so far I lack Mangaholixxx Pictures, OtakonEK pictures, and now this.) I'll try to do them all at one post.

---

Really,

thanks so much.

Stupid enrollment system is stupid. Screw it, the whole system is stupid.

What the hell happened, right?


AND WELL IF YOU THINK I'M GIVING UP THINK AGAIN! I may have screwed up second sem of last year but because of that I learned something that could never ever be academically taught. So I'm getting that one slot even if it means lining up RIGHT NOW.


You know I just wanted everything to be alright. I guess we all did. I know I can't really say anything much but I think we should all just keep on fighting, whatever that may mean for each of us.


LET'S GO BB!

Sum up the moon cycle + rotation of the earth, leave some post-its on the stars:


1) Some lies are worth living. Most aren't.

2) Don't think you're worthless. They might never realize what you're worth, but don't wait for them to.

3) Step back, and you'll know.

4) Make promises because you want to keep them. Not because you know you'll break them, anyway.

5) Say "I love you", and relish in the feeling that you'll always, always, always mean it.

6) Don't ever tell your boyfriend you're reading Cosmopolitan.

7) Mother's best advice: live your life with a condition--have no regrets.

8) Procrastination is the one thing you're allowed to procrastinate.

9) They think they know best. They probably do. Probably.

10) Smile like a rainbow in an inverted sky; heavenly, grandeur, and colorful.

---

You have to move. Don't dwell.


--raw, churning, and without mercy;

the makings of an unforgivable reality.

---

Regret for something you had no control over: is of the worst kind. Don't assume, don't fill your head. All of this is nonsense, was, will be.

The person who knows you best is not yourself. It's never yourself.
It's never someone else, either.

You could be wrong. They could be right. Or it could be the other way around.




In the end, you have to keep on smiling.

Someone could be smiling right behind you.

---

REAL POST

/ a skirmish of real life with handhelds:

The World Ends With You is awesome and cute. o/ I ship NekuxShiki already, and I'm only on Day Four. Ugh, Square Enix, you make me fall in love with your plots over and over again. Plus the battle system is really innovative for something on a Nintendo DS.

Wild ARMs XF DECEIVED me, I thought Clarissa and Felius were siblings but no. LIES. D: Ugh my chances for incest, a failure.

I want FF Dissidia. D: KUJA AND ZIDANE BABY! o/



/ a skirmish of real life with real life:

How complicated this title is! D:

School, ah school. Everything's been on hold because of procrastination and school. Ugh, I need to get back to work now.

(read: I'll be reading Amrita and doing the sigsheet. Which is in no way related to school. Or anything.

Maybe a little.)

Banzai!

Okay, because I'm a dork, I SPAM YOUR FRIENDS PAGE WITH THIS!

...Its really an amazing video. Simple, but brilliant. I cried so much! ;___; At first I thought wuzu was lulzing around again with monkeys when he sent this to me, b-but no. He was right, and I thank him for linking me to the vid. It's seriously sad and beautiful, a-and I love every bit of it ufuuu~

Kiwi!
by Doni Permedi


Okay, so maybe I am a total crybaby (as kyoy doesn't hesitate to point out). But, wah, I can't even begin to describe what I feel for the Kiwi. I-I really felt sorry for it; and not to mention it was so cute and so hardworking a-and so hopeful...

;_____;



MORE VIDEOS THAT MADE ME CRY
1) Thai Life Insurance - Father and Son
I watched this right after I watched Kiwi! and being the weakling I am, it was not a good idea. I couldn't stop bawling. ;____; For people who love their parents but always remember the little moments you don't get along. Ufuuu~

2) Thai Life Insurance - Marry Me
If you're looking for something sweet and sappy and just a little reminiscent (but possibly more dramatic) than A Walk to Remember, then watch this.

---

On the happy side of things, I went out with kyoy, sacla and anriz88 today!

We bonded (yaaaay!), watched 21 (which was awesome, btw!) and I got to buy a new article of clothing (I-I know I wasn't supposed to spend, but it was too cute to resist). I also finally got to sit in the Narnia: Prince Caspian display advertisement chair thingamajig.


FOR NARNIAAAA~ o/ Fuwa I'm so excited, its showing next week!

---

Another thing I'm excited for: Mangaholixxx (and the Pyro Olympics that come with it *O*)!

I went to the seamstress today to fix the details for our patch thingies. I hope everything goes well by Friday, hee~

---

Wah the vids still make me cry ;___;~ *dork*

I'VE BEEN SLEEPING EARLY.

My world is crashing. Asdhfkdj.


(But that's just the beginning--)

---

Because I know no one likes reading rants about academics, I'll put mine under a cut:

( Kidney beans. )


College life at UP has given me this warped sense of grade consciousness. I get these bursts of paranoia but then half three-fourths of the time I still don't care. Ugh. I blame it on myself (99.9%) and St. Paul (0.1%).



Cramming = a lifestyle.

Although I have been doing my Bio plates at home lately; yay.

Baby steps, baby steps.

---

A very concise note about my college life:

My academics for this semester are ruined, aren't they?

Only a few more days to go!

---

Ugh I feel so bad about myself that I can't even think of what to write anymore.

You fail, Tiff, you fail.

---

A shirt I saw at Trinoma that I really liked:

NO MORE EXCUSES, PHILIPPINES



YEAH! \o/

---

Silver lining:

♥♥♥



Hee.

I AM GOING TO FAIL THIS EXAM SO BADLY THAT I'M GOING TO





...skip outside the room when its done.

YEEAAAH \o/!

---

Someone please tell me not to ruin my academic life. D:




Or my life in general?

---

I noticed something epic always happens the day before I have an exam. Oh life, why must you bring things together on the same date like Elmer's gluuuuueeeee

//obviously not thinking straight anymore



Not that I mind, of course. But I just noticed.

;D

---

But despite my very own life-ruining tendencies,

I'm happy.

♥


Tra la la la~

(Thus the skipping.)

Skip skip skip!

---

B-BUT STILL UGH AYA YOU STUDENT FAILURE YOU

AND SO. Hello.

Hee~

I've been clicking the update journal link almost every day since last week, but due to fatigue and possible giddyness I never get to write anything in the text box. At all. Wai~ that just proves how distracted I am. (Happily distracted, I think~!) But doesn't it also prove how lazy I can be?

But mouuu~ yesyesyes, isn't that sad of me. Again and again and again I haven't been doing the recent events any justice. D: So much has happened this February and yet~

;___;

Well, so much for trying not to be a failure. (I mean this in a lot of ways.) Urk.

---

These past few days... I've been doing a lot of thinking.

---

Sometimes I wonder if everything is my fault. I think it is.

...I'm so sorry.

---

AHAHAHA LOL.

I have this take-home math exam that I haven't done yet. (I'm only starting now, yesyesyes.) And if kyoy and wuzu didn't wake me up (because I always go to sleep at the wrong moments) I probably wouldn't have had the chance to do it, at all. ;___; UWAI I LOVE YOU GUYS~ <333!

You both saved my life (and my math grade). *loves*

At around 1:30 in the morning I thought I was hearing Hare Hare Yukai in my dreams but it turns out it was because my phone was ringing in my ear. A-and thus I thankfully woke up and checked the time and did all the necessary cursing in my head, because WHY AYA WHY DIDN'T YOU REMEMBER TO DO THIS EXAM but before everything else I approached the computer and lulzed. (Yeah, intarwebs = distraction even at the most dire of moments. DX)

Wai, b-but kyoy and wuzu thank you so much, srsly!

♥

Sometime really early in the morning:

kyoy was here: PLZ TELL ME YOU DON'T HAVE CALLER ID ANYMORES
psychedelic_aya: ...why
psychedelic_aya: :))
kyoy was here: B-BECAUSE I CALLED YOU (landline) AND SEEMS LIKE YOUR MOM ANSWERED THE PHONE
psychedelic_aya: =))
psychedelic_aya: EPIC
psychedelic_aya: ILU~
psychedelic_aya: and then you put it down
psychedelic_aya: ?
kyoy was here: OF COURSE!
kyoy was here: SURVIVAL TACTICS

LOL Kyoy.

XD



Concerning the math exam, hmmm~

The questions are pretty manageable, but Sir Vic had to be evil and used Trigonometric values instead of normal ones for the functions. Ugh. Talk about Calculus + Trigonometry = massive headache D:. Why sir why.

But all I have to do is finish this exam and I can enjoy my Monday!

w00t \o/

---

YEAAAH MONDAY! ♥

---

...Totally random spazzing, b-but I'm happy. Yo yo yo.


Yay.